Articles
The Argument is Never About What You’re Arguing About
It is a common enough scene: Everything is going well. You and your partner are getting along just fine, until that one subject is broached. Suddenly, you’re in an argument. Again. In fact, you are in the same argument that the two of you have had a dozen times....
Your Partner Cheated on You. Now What?
The good news: Research shows that a majority of marriages do not end after the discovery of an affair. The bad news: That doesn’t mean that the relationship survives. Mourning the loss of what you had, without destroying your...
Its not all Dad Jokes and Building Decks: Adapting to Fatherhood can be a Challenge
There's a cliche that women become mothers the moment they discover they're pregnant. Men become fathers when they first hold their child. I like this cliche, and I use it with my clients, to highlight the visceral difference in experience between men and women (or...
Your Brain is Hardwired for Anxiety
More than any other task, your brain’s job is to keep you alive. It's wired for survival. It does this, in part, by recognizing patterns that signal a threat and convincing you to avoid them. When working optimally, this system might convince you not to walk down a...
Depression in Men
Depression in men does not alway look the way we expect it should. We tend to think of it as an oppressive sadness. In the media it is frequently shown as a lack of energy, a desire to withdraw from the world, and uncontrollable crying. These can all be true about...
How Men Can Benefit from Therapy
Many men hesitate to go to therapy. Some worry that it makes them look weak, or crazy. Most simply think it won't work for them. A lot of talking about feelings, or my mother, isn't going to help me figure out how to be happy at work or quit fighting with my partner....
Nonviolent Communication: An Empowering Way to Compassionately Communicate
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a process of communication created by Marshall B. Rosenberg that allows us to connect with others in a more compassionate and empathetic way. NVC brings to surface the importance of language in our everyday interactions and calls us...
The Zero-Sum Game: The Surprising Math Behind Intractable Couple Conflict
By the time a couple is having their first appointment with me, they've been in distress for a while. Often, they'll report repetitive conflicts present for years with little to no progress, and worsening severity. "We can't even talk about money anymore, it always...
How to Talk to Your Partner About Infidelity
How do you tell your partner you’ve had an affair? Whether it was a drunken mistake or a conscious decision you made, there’s no getting around the fact that your partner will feel crushed, or furious. They may end the relationship over this. That’s terrifying. We all...